Not goodbye, rather till next time

I’ve been making games since February 2004. Reflecting on 20 years of game development, I think I'm finally growing out of this medium of expression - specifically solo gamedev. There are a lot of factors contributing to this.

For one, I think I have achieved most of my goals that can be attained from working solo. All game projects from here on out will require at least one partner to provide their own unique talent and perspective.

I’m proud of my source codes - I can see making several sequels to Aeon Datablade and Seraphim Automata. But it’s no longer fun to be designing these games alone. I’d much rather share the game-making experience with others.

Looking Back

I want to write a brief retrospective on how I got started and how everything has changed since then.

When I started programming and releasing games in the mid ‘00s, there was no concept of selling indie games. We all offered our games for free - including modern hits like Cave Story. You could’ve counted all the indie developers in the world in the thousands.

YouTube didn’t exist yet. Social media didn’t exist yet. People rarely made trailers for their games - you got a download link and a few screenshots and that was it. No one used the term “indie gamedev”. It was a different time. The internet was a lot less hostile then.

This all changed in 2008-2011, fueled by the growing mobile market and Minecraft’s unprecedented success. I’ve seen a lot of people join the world of indie game design, which was initially shared by only a small echelon of programmers. And it’s been weird.

I was drawn to game design in the '00s because at the time, it was the avant-garde, the new thing that not many people were doing. Obviously that’s no longer the case.

My artistic spirit, always wanting to be ahead of the pack, is weary of sharing this craft with millions of strangers on the internet. Game design is no longer new, interesting or avant-garde.

Dreams vs Reality

Art games never took off in my opinion. Despite all the flowery thinkpieces in the 2010s on games like Journey, I don’t think people care if your game is “a piece of art”. People only care if your game is fun. A lot of game developers I know have lost sight of this.

I’ve dealt with more infighting, cyberbullying, online abuse and harassment than I ever want to dig into. I allude to some of it below, but the complete story would be a whole separate blog post.

I could give you the whole chronology of how the indie gamedev scene has fallen apart, from the late ‘00s through the 2010s to now. But perhaps I’ll save that for another time as well.

As for now, I think we’ve reached a saturation point, where there’s not much space for new games or new gamedevs. You are not only competing with the past - you are competing with the future, and you are competing with the current economic situation.

Crabs in a Bucket

There’s simply too many people trying to do the same thing now. The current indie game scene is, to quote a friend, full of crabs in a bucket. Whenever you begin doing well, others will try to drag you down.

I experienced this when people trolled my crowdfunding in 2015. I experienced this when I received hundreds of hateful anonymous messages that same year, from many people I considered my friends.

I experienced this through weaponized sexual harassment in 2019, directed by the person who was once my dream concept artist.

And then the pandemic happened. People have been even weirder since then. I’m not going to pretend people have bounced back from a worldwide pandemic that wasn’t handled properly.

I’m sure there are other instances I’m blocking out. But looking back, I would’ve never experienced a lot of this harassment had I quit making games sooner. It’s been rough. I’ve reached a point where releasing games on my own is really just too stressful.

I haven’t collaborated with anyone on a game since 2010. In a perfect world, I would love to get back to that someday.

You're Gonna Carry That Weight

I pursued this craft for the love of games. I think it’s time I take a step back, out of my love for games. I ran my marathon. I have ten games I’m exceedingly proud of.

If I knew all the things I know now, I likely would’ve stopped years ago. I started out making games at age 12. I’m a different person now. That alone is sufficient reason to switch up my modes of expression.

Expect more writing and music from me in the future. Games are behind me now. I did that, back when it was new and interesting. Gamedev has lost its novelty, and I’m rarely impressed by other people’s games.

But then, gamers are a very restrictive audience to cater to, and I think that’s partially what has stifled artistic growth in the world of video games. I’m tired of feeling trapped by those restrictions. I'm moving on to less hostile waters.

"That was the river, this is the sea."

To those of you who supported me over the years, thank you. You don't know how much it means to me.

- Dylan, 5/5/24